I’ve got a wicked case of cabin fever. A garish combination of snow and homework has bound me to my home for almost a week and I am seriously feeling a case of Misery coming on. I just ran out of butter and I’mma ’bout to go all Annie Wilkes on someone.
When I’m not leaning against my kitchen counter, gnawing on pretzel bark and staring at a spot on the wall that looks like Bob Marley I’m rockin’ gansta jewelry in my best Lana Del Rey impression. When I’m not resisting the urge to burn my math textbook in a feeble effort to create enough energy to run my computer (because the power has gone out….again) I am checking my backyard for Sasquatch tracks. Cause he’s out there.
Insanity has been kept at bay by a few things:
Flower Patch Farmgirl website…girlfriend is adorbs and oh my gosh how cute are her kids?? Good looks aside, this is a beautiful website and the posts are both hilarious and touching. And making fingerpaint from sweetened condensed milk and food dye? Um, genius.
Speaking of, I made Flower Patch Farmgirl’s Crack Bark (or Salted Chocolate Pretzel Caramel Bark if you’re in polite company) and OH MY GOSH! It was crunchy, salty, rich and sooooo caramel-y delicious that I happily meandered around the house (and a few feet out into the snow) with chocolate smeared all over my face. Shameless and proud of it.
If, by some miracle of God (or the dang sun decides to show for a whole 2.5 seconds) the snow melts and I re-enter civilization I will make every effort to look as though I just spent the past week on the beach. I will tell scandalous stories of making out with an Antonio Banderas look-alike beach bum on the sand while seagulls sang ‘Kiss the Girl’. Unfortunately, my pasty-white skin will give me away as the sun reflects off it and scorches people’s retina….but the wavy beach hair I’m sporting with the help of Zotos’ Hold It! will make them think twice. Or at least ask me how I got my hair so voluminous.
I almost splurged on some $17 designer salon texturizer but bought this last-minute on a Friday night at Sally’s Beauty Salon. I’ve been dying to get some volume and texture into my hair without teasing or curling it so I was happily surprised that this product gave me everything I was looking for (and for $10 less at only $7!). It gives my hair that wonderful wind-blown beach waveyness (if that’s a word) that you get after hanging out at the ocean for 10 hours but minus the sand. Or chapped lips. Or bikini wedgie. My hair is naturally fine and very wispy so about 5 or 6 sprays of this really does the job. I spray it on when my hair is wet and then blow dry it without brushing it too much. I think the key is to let your hair settle naturally so that it really does take on that wind-blown, surf-to-civilization look.
Dear Sally Beauty: Since you’re in the process of bottling awesomeness, would you mind shoving an Antonio-Banderas look-alike into a bottle as well? Us girls in rainy ol’ Washington could really use it. Please and thank you.
The next thing I plan to do once all the snow has melted is rip off the five million layers I’ve been hunched underneath and sashay about in a tank top. Forget you -5 degree weather!
I have a love-not-so-much-love relationship with Kohl’s. The past couple times I’ve gone into one this year I haven’t really been amazed by what I’ve found. But occasionally….occasionally I find a gem that I just HAVE to HAVE! Last time I went in I actually found three gems that I adored and in my rush only managed to grab a picture of one. But it’s beautiful and yellow and it makes me feel like I’m standing in St. Bart’s.
And speaking of things that are colorful, I love Gustav Klimt’s work with a fiery passion. The detailing, the colors, the textures and patterns and explosion of life! So I was pretty psyched to find THIS of all things while I was randomly daydreaming in the Barbie aisle at Target.
A Gustav Klimt Barbie doll! Crazy? Yes. Super extra badass? Heck yeah. Did I buy it? No. I have three dogs and an insatiable desire to turn them into tiny horses by affixing Barbie dolls to their backs while I yell things like “Best round up them cows!” and “There ain’t enough room in this town for the two of us!”. Long story short….it does not end well for cowgirl Barbie.
And because I can’t resist…